Singleness is NOT a Punishment!

From time to time you may hear an oft repeated adage that “You need to let God fulfill the desires of your heart before He will bring someone into your life to love.” I wanted to encourage you lest you begin to believe that somehow you must not be loving God enough: being content in your circumstances and placing God first in your life doesn’t necessarily imply that God will bring you your future spouse; it’s not an equation. One does not inevitably follow the other in sequence. So please don’t worry that because you’re single that you must be doing something wrong. Believing this misinformation will only bring shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Well-meaning friends and family have all kinds of explanations and advice for why we are still single. I can hear the echoes in my head now: “Perhaps God is teaching you to rest in His promises and fully rely on His provision” or “Perhaps He is teaching you to completely surrender.” Perhaps those things are true but God isn’t punishing you by withholding a good thing because you aren’t yet “good enough” for the blessing.

Regardless of the reason I find myself alone, I know one thing is true: God is drawing me closer to Him and realigning my thinking about Him. One of things I’ve been learning is that I have been trying so hard to please Him when He is already well-pleased with me. Yes! If you have the blood of the Lamb covering your sins, God only sees absolute perfection when He gazes upon you, His beloved. In Hosea 2:19 He says to us, “I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.” Like the twitterpated, smitten Prince in a fairy tale sweeps in to win the heart of his beloved, we too are pursued by our Lord who desires us and cherishes us deeply.

A friend told me recently, “Stop trying to make God proud.” At first that didn’t make much sense to me but I have since come to understand what he meant. Since childhood, I’ve endeavored to make my life a fragrant aroma to my King. We are called to be a living sacrifice to God so biblically this isn’t a wrong mindset but how often are we striving to serve God with the things that we DO? Proverbs 19:21 reminds us that “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Instead of running to and fro doing this and that for the kingdom, what if we stopped and simply just enjoyed being WITH God in quiet stillness? Remember the story of Mary and Martha? Martha was busy scrambling around the house getting food prepared to serve Jesus while Mary was sprawled out comfortably at His feet soaking up His company.

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There’s nothing wrong with doing good things for God, as long as whatever you do, you do with all your heart as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). John 15:4 reminds us that we can’t bear fruit unless we are connected to the vine. All of our righteous deeds are useless unless they are done with the correct heart attitude. When we are abiding in Jesus Christ, all the hope, peace, joy, love, and guidance we need flows directly from Him.

So thank you, sweet reader, for joining me on this journey I find myself in. I know it can sometimes feel like it but singleness is not a punishment. In fact, I find it can be a blessing in many ways. The biggest blessing so far is more time to spend with God and serving others.

Why I’m Still Single

Don’t you hate it when guys say, “You’re amazing, BUT…” Oh that dreaded word “but” you always know he’s going to tack on at the end of that sentence. It’s so frustrating, right? Because if I’m so amazing then why the heck am I still single?

Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “If only I were ____fill-in-the-blank___, then I wouldn’t be single?”

STOP IT.

There isn’t anything wrong with you.

The truth is, you could probably easily find someone right now to date… but you have high standards. You know the kind of person you’re looking for and you’re not going to settle. Don’t let the devil eat away at your self-esteem by making you believe you’re somehow “less than.” You know God desires someone for you who is your equal counterpart. Anyone who isn’t complementary is not appriopriate and is outside of His Divine will. (Genesis 2:18)

Relationships require a little bit of sacrifice and compromise but not so much that you no longer feel like the person God made you to be and certainly not any compromise that would build a wall between you and God.

If ever you start feeling discouraged about who, how, where, but mostly WHEN you’ll meet your future hubby or wifey, just remind yourself of these three things:

 

God is faithful. 

He has always been faithful in the past and He will be faithful to answer your prayers concerning a spouse.

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. –Psalm 100:5

God is not finished with you.

God will never leave you for long without direction. He will comfort and renew you and guide you where He wants you to go. Stay faithful to the Lord even when you feel like settling. Trust that He’s working all things together for good. When you are running low on strength and it’s newborn baby season on your Facebook feed and you feel tempted to give up waiting, ask God for extra perseverance and for peace. I can’t promise that there is someone right around the corner for you but I can promise you that waiting for the right one is worth the wait and settling will only lead to heartache and regret. Keep obeying God for obedience’s sake out of love for God, not because obeying Him will result in blessings.

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. –Hebrews 10:35-36

You’re a freaking unicorn.

That’s right, you heard me!

Because you’re made in the image of God, you have a beautiful purpose for your life, and you are dearly loved by the Creator of the Universe who sent His son to wash your sins clean and made you pure white as snow.

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