Kindred Spirit

At the begining of August I was being pursued by seven different men. I went on at least one date with each of them and began slowly eliminating them. In one week, I went on a date with a different man every day for five days in a row. Then the last two days of that week I went on a second date with two of them.

I honestly like all of them. They are all great guys and I really can’t say anything bad about any of them. One of them was my mailman who has been leaving me thoughtful presents and notes in my mailbox for about a year and a half. Another one was a man I met online who came all the way down from Colorado just to spend the weekend with me.

As amazing as all these men are, none of them felt like I had met “the one…” except one. From this point forward I shall refer to him as “Kindred Spirit.”

From the moment I met Kindred Spirit, I felt as though I had known him my whole life. We immediately clicked in a deep way as if I were getting together with an old childhood friend and reconnecting after not seeing one another for ten years or more.

It sounds so ridiculous writing it down and putting my thoughts out into the world, but I was already excited about him after one date. We stayed up until 2 in the morning talking in a parking lot. I wanted to kiss him. KISS HIM, people! I NEVER want to kiss someone I’ve just met. I was already kind of crazy about him. I couldn’t wait to see him again and thought about him constantly. Being my Kindred Spirit, I somehow knew him just as well as I know myself. I knew that if I texted him too much or came on too strong it would turn him off. He’s an old-fashioned hopeless romantic and he wants to be the one in control who does the pursuing… so I kept praying and being patient and reminding myself not to get too excited.

patience

I have the tendancy to be a bit clingy. It’s mind over matter at this point.

He told me a few days later that there was another girl in the picture who he was also dating. I was immediately disappointed, but it’s only fair to mention I also had two other guys I was still dating at that point.

But I called them last night and told them my affections were with someone else. It’s a risky shot in the dark at this point because of what he told me on our third date two nights ago.

Me: I’m probably sabotaging our relationship by asking you this instead of just having fun, enjoying your company, and making the most of this moment together… but I can’t stop thinking about the “other girl.” How are things going with her?
Kindred Spirit: Really good actually.
Me: Oh. Do you like her romantically?
Kindred Spirit: Yes, I think so, I don’t know.
Me: You don’t know what you want, do you? I feel like you should have a pretty good idea at this point of what you want.
Kindred Spirit: I’ve been praying about it but God’s not answering my prayers.

Well, I just wanted to get back to enjoying our time together so we changed the subject and walked around the park again for a second time. Then we sat in my car and talked some more.

Kindred Spirit: Don’t look at me like that!
Me:
Like how?
Kindred Spirit: Longingly.
I immediately broke eye contact and became embarassed that my heart was dangling like that on my sleeve. He quickly pulled me in an embrace, I suppose out of compassion and empathy for my unrequited love. 
Me: There was a quote in chapter 8 of  “Boundaries in Dating” which I just read at the dentist office the other day which said, “Are you confusing longing for being in love? Remember, love satisfies. It does not leave you romantically pining.”

So that’s it. That’s all I have to say. We didn’t set another date and there might not ever be another date. My greatest fear came to fruition… that I would like him more than he likes me. My heart kind of hurts if I’m honest with you. My other greatest fear is that I won’t find anyone else like him. But at the same time, I completely trust God and I know that I can’t wreck up His beautiful plan for my life. I guess I dumped the other guys more for myself than for Kindred Spirit. It’s completely unfair to myself to have experienced a soul as beautiful as his and then settle for anything less than how I feel about him.

I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be stuck with someone I didn’t feel that with.

someday

I just feel absolutely blessed to even have met him. He raises the bar high for the next person who tries to pursue me.

My hands are open
Willing to receive
They are not resisting
or defending
My hands are open
Willing to give
No need to grab
or push or cling tightly
My hands are open
Ready to embrace
Ready to let go
Accepting

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Kindred Spirit

  1. Ah, this. Same. Of course, I didn’t go out on a bunch of dates before meeting The One, because I’m just not interested in casual dates with men I’m not into. And to me, it seems that every man I meet can be dumped into the same big gray pot of “meh.” But then I got to date The One for a couple of months, and he was it. Everything I wanted in one man. Ideal. But he also was dating someone else and did not end up choosing me. I was not his One. No one else will ever measure up. I refuse to settle for “meh.” And I refuse to ever get my hopes up like that again, or allow myself to be that vulnerable. Being single forever doesn’t sound so bad, i comparison.

    • Noooo!!!! You must not give up the search! If you have that desire to share your life with someone you must think positive and believe God will answer your prayer! My problem I think was that my negative thinking was a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy and my fears came true because I expected them to. But the Bible says “There is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.” We honestly didn’t have enough time to fall in love but I feel as though we could have gotten there if he’d given me a chance. The next three books on my “to read” list are:
      “How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less” by Neil Clark Warren, “Finding Mr. Right: And How to Know When You Have” by Stephen Arterburn, and finally, one that my friend George recommended called “How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back” by Henry Cloud. (He’s the same author of the quote I mentioned in this blog entry.)

      Do me a favor, look at your own reflection in the mirror, and decide that you are spectacularly freaking awesome and worthy of great love, passion, excitement, and commitment… and that you WILL find it in God’s perfect timing.

  2. Ah, but you see, I already know that I am a wonderful person worthy of love, commitment, etc. No issues with my self-esteem. The issues are that 1. I really do not believe that I am easy to match, and that the man I was dating was an impossible-to-find miracle. And 2. I feel like I gave him so much of myself that I can no longer bring myself to share that again with anyone else. Being open and vulnerable with other people is the hardest thing in the world for me, and there has never been any reward for me in doing so. Only pain and misery when I am inevitably rejected. This is not just true for relationships, but for friendships and family, too. Far more rewarding for me to avoid all of that and stay alone. At least I get to enjoy my own great company and know that I am fully accepted and loved for who I am, by me.

    • I feel you and I are kindred spirits. After my relationship with the friend back in June (I wrote about the experience here https://foundationsofsapphires.wordpress.com/2017/06/23/serious-trust-issues) I truly felt that I would never, ever open up my heart to love again. And I also believed it would take nothing short of a miracle to even find someone worth loving until death do us part. Here I am now, opening up my heart, allowing it to be rejected, by someone more amazing than I ever could have imagined. Someone I never thought existed. A rare unicorn who is almost impossible to find. And so I know if he is out there then that means there is another like him somewhere. You just have to believe that though the good ones are a needle in a haystack, they ARE out there, and God is not limited by statistics.

      • Thanks, but it’s over for me. I really can’t put myself through that again. Nor do I believe that anyone else is going to measure up to him. The risks, to me, outweigh the rewards. Besides, I am content with my life and do not feel that I need a romantic partner to somehow make it complete. Sure, it was a neat thought, but I can live without icing on my cake.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s