Me as a Wife

So, back in the beginning of May, a friend told me he found my future husband list online and he said “I think what is frustrating about seeing those lists is that the women almost never seem to have lists of what they have to offer potential husbands in return. Is the thinking that what you have to offer just goes without saying?”

Well, I sent him a link to this blog post which begins with a list of what my future husband is looking for in a wife… and goes on to name some of my quirky and fun qualities. But my friend wanted me to make a complete list. I’ve been putting it off for a while because writing a list of what I have to offer my future husband sounds really cocky but I actually think it will be healing and good for my self-esteem. (Which, trust me, I need at this point more than ever.) Now, every time a guy rejects me for some reason or another, I can refer back to this list of awesome qualities about me and just remind myself that I’m not the woman he’s looking for but someone else out there is.

What I Have to Offer My Future Husband: This is Me

1. I am a devout follower of Jesus Christ who strives to continue growing in the grace and knowledge of my Savior.  I was raised since infancy in a non-denominational, conservative, evangelical protestant church with a firm foundation in the Word of God, teaching verse-by-verse. I went to a Christian University and have a degree in Bible. I desire to live a life of purity and present myself to God as a living sacrifice. I also desire to be transformed by the renewing of my mind that I may be conformed to the image of Christ.  My main spiritual gift is evangelism.

2.) I am extremely affectionate and take pride in satisfying my husband sexually. The reason I know this is because I was married before. My past experience has lent itself well to preparing me for my future husband because I already know how to be an excellent wife. The purpose of marriage is to serve the other person. My goal is to be the helpmate of my husband and make him a better man just by being by his side supporting him in all he does. I expect that we will mutually serve one another and the order of priorities will always be thus: God first, then your spouse, then children (if applicable) and finally self.

3.) I am trustworthy. I will never give my husband any reason not to trust me. I am loyal and honest almost to a fault. My devotion was proven when I stayed in an abusive marriage for four years because I believed it was my duty to God to stay faithful and true to our vows.

4.) My ambition is to be a stay-at-home-mom. I don’t plan on being one of those SAHMs who just eats food and watches TV all day, either. I am eager to run my own home business or support my husband in his business, if he has one. I also would like to homeschool my children, at least for the first few years to give them a head start in their education and put them at the top of their class.  My children will be reading by the age of three or four and they will be bilingual. I would also love to be a foster mom. I have three years experience doing this already so I am confident in my abilities and I have the perfect temperament for this ministry which requires lots of compassion, patience, and hard work. This is work I believe God has called me to do and, if there are at least two foster children in our care, it pays the equivalent of what someone with a full-time job would be making.

5.) I enjoy a wide variety of friends with diverse cultural, social, economic, educational and political backgrounds. I believe that cultivating relationships with people whose values differ from my own enriches my life and gives me multiple fresh perspectives. I’m a social butterfly who makes friends wherever she goes. Investing in people is pretty much the most important thing in the world to me at this time since I don’t have a family of my own yet.

6.) I have an eclectic assortment of hobbies so I rarely ever get bored. I don’t even own a TV because there are way too many things I would rather be doing than watch the boob tube: hosting a game night, karaoke, roller blading, bowling, hiking, cooking healthy food, racquetball, volleyball, mini golf, horseback riding, writing (my book, poetry, in my journal, or just a letter to a friend) reading a book, doing something artsy fartsy like scrapbooking, making jewelry, quilting, sewing my own clothes, making my own soap, lip balm, eye shadow, perfume, etc. I could really keep going here but you get the picture. I recently got Netflix and now my favorite part of every single day is right before bed. I love to eat my dinner as I soak in the bathtub with candles, epsom salts and essential oils while I watch a good movie or an episode of a show on my laptop that sits on the toilet lid. Sometimes I skip the movie and just listen to music, the Bible on CD, or a sermon while I bathe.

7.) You never know when that dancing feeling tickles your fancy and it’s always good to be prepared- that’s why I carry dance shoes in my car at all times. I love salsa, cha cha, merengue, Argentine tango, Viennese waltz, kizomba, zouk, bachata, rueda de casino, and East Coast swing. Right now my dance group Zona Pachanga is learning choreography to “Uptown Funk” and we’re going to perform it in November.

8.) “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” as they say, but I still think I’m pretty hot. We all know “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting” but a bonus perk of marrying me: my boobs will not be droopy when I am old.

9.) I am one of the worship leaders at church and I’m always singing everywhere I go. In fact, you might just happen to catch me breaking out into random song and dance as if life were a real life musical.

10.) I have a strong, healthy relationship with my family and even though we are all scattered across the United States and don’t get to see each other as often as we like, we are in contact with one another on a semi-daily basis and we are very close.

11.) Some of my hidden talents: Positive, upbeat attitude, playing saxophone and piano, cooking ethnic food, forgiveness (my sister once said I’m the most forgiving person she knows) motivating people to be the best they can be, knowing lots of useless facts (comes in handy when you play trivia at the bar) and giving good massages… rawr!

12.)“The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love color the most.” -John Ruskin I REALLY love color so I hope my future husband doesn’t mind that our home has bright, cheerful pops of color because color makes me so happy.

13.) I’m committed to loving and serving my future husband and putting his needs above my own. I will shower him in love and affection. I am an old-fashioned hopeless romantic and will write my man love poems and leave him love notes around the house to find.

14.) I am responsible, dependable, manage my time well, and I’m pretty organized.

15.) I am in really good health. I exercise, I’m at a healthy weight for my height, I eat five small meals throughout the day every two hours, and I’ve never had any major health issues. I even have 20/15 vision, not that it is really that important haha but I like to think that’s something special about me.

16.) I am very teachable. I admit when I’m wrong and I’m open to constructive criticism because growing into the best person I can be is a top priority.

17.) I am a peaceful person who is slow to anger.

18.) I have a playful sense of humor. I do like to tease people but I’m careful about who I pick on because I know which one of my friends are sensitive and don’t get my humor and those who will rib me right back. I will always honor my future husband and speak well of him. I will guard my lips and not speak poorly of him. Even in my abusive marriage I did not speak of what happened behind closed doors to anyone because I wanted my husband’s name to be respected.

19.) I am very confident and know Who I belong to. I am consecrated to Yahweh and He is the true lover of my soul for He loved me so much that He became the perfect Lamb and sacrificed His life to have a relationship with me. A passionate love relationship with Jesus Christ is the foundation for success in every aspect of life.

20.) I’m a little adventurous and I’d like to do some daring and crazy things before I die. Let me show you my bucket list… Israel, Paris, Bahamas, Costa Rica, Orlando, are just a few of the places I want to go with my future husband to.

21.) I am an ENFJ and we are awesome people, just saying.

22.) I am respectful and devoted to purity but you might find me laughing at some crude humor or even cracking some dark humor myself. Life can be bleak sometimes. If I don’t find the lighter side of something disturbing and unpleasant, I’ll probably cry and get super depressed because I’m such an empathetic person. I’m pretty optimistic, too, and I try to greet negativity with grim amusement rather than getting stressed out or complaining about it. (It doesn’t always work.) It is understandable that others find dark humor offensive, morbid, and inappropriate but for me, it’s a coping mechanism that releases anxiety and grief and helps me blow off steam. I grew up on it- both my parents are lighthearted people and make jokes about serious things to release tension. When their house burned down, my mom was able to find irony in a tragic situation and was cracking jokes on the phone with me about it.


One thought on “Me as a Wife

  1. Sophia says:

    I don’t know that showing all the cards we have in our hand is beneficial to a woman. That list should not be seen by anyone other and you and your girlfriends IMO. As a matter of fact I think women are too quick to talk about everything to a potential date/boyfriend. Takes the element of mystique/mystery or wanting to know more about them right out the window. Sometimes I hear/read the things that are shared after a meeting or two and it is cringe-inducing. Speaking of old relationships also and why they didn’t work out is also counterproductive, and ranting about “how men are” as well. (Yes I’m old fashioned. Yes I think old fashioned methods are foolproof, so there’s that)😏
    I find it hard to describe modern women as “alluring”, and boy ain’t that a shame. Watch any old movie and you can’t find a woman who wasn’t. They had it in spades.

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