After four dates over the course of a month with a gentleman I will refer only to as The Prince, we ended our relationship last night. As heartbreaking as it was, I kind of expected it. Not because there was anything wrong with him (he was the best guy I’ve dated thus far) and not because I didn’t think I deserved him (I know I am worthy of such a man.) It was because we weren’t compatible.
“If you and I got married, it would be a good marriage… but it wouldn’t be a GREAT marriage.” -The Prince
I asked him why not and he said because I was very “sensuous” and that there wasn’t anything wrong with that but that he simply wasn’t and he didn’t feel that we fit together because of it.
True. In fact, I was concerned before we even went on a single date that this would happen just by looking at the answers to his questions on his online dating profile. However, I decided to be open to the possibility of him despite his shortcomings because he was a drop in the ocean… a one-of-a-kind gentleman that is extremely hard to find, maybe even less than 1% of the population. Someone I was beginning to lose hope still existed in the world… a unicorn if you will.
Sometimes the heart needs more time to accept what the mind already knows.
He self-proclaimed through his answers on the dating site that he didn’t care for art, music, poetry, cologne, fashion, or physical touch… which is pretty much everything I live for, especially the latter. I was worried it was doomed from the start seeing as how I am the type of person who always has music playing throughout the day and I’m often found singing or dancing to it. I have a collection of over 300 fragrances and I’m always burning candles or scented oils to keep my home smelling comforting and inviting. My book shelf has a solid section dedicated to poetry and I have several books filled with my own poetry.
“You need to be more picky…” -The Prince
That’s the third time I’ve heard a man say that to me in just six months.
Why are men in my town so darn picky? They want so much… they want their “ideal.” I don’t even think it exists. I’m being reasonable and logical. I know that the man in my head is a figment of my imagination. I know he probably isn’t out there but I know I can get pretty darn close and The Prince was as close as you could possibly get, minus the fact that he’s not touchy-feely. I just don’t think I’d be competely happy in a marriage with someone who didn’t scoop me up all the time and tackle me with kisses. So he was probably right in letting me go, as sad as I am to say it outloud. I wish I weren’t so needy. I wish I didn’t have such high expectations. I wish the man for me wasn’t such a polar bear in a snow storm.
There were men in the past who were literally perfect but who struggled with porn addiction and that’s something on my non-negotiable checklist. The good news is that I’m getting warmer. The men in my life keep getting better and better, The Prince being the cream of the crop.
What I learned in this relationship is PATIENCE. He was definitely slow to warm up and it taught me complete reliance on God. Rest in Him and wait on Him while trusting in Him. I wanted things to move on my own timetable but I had to keep relaxing and being patient. I also learned the way I am supposed to be treated. I don’t think I’ve ever received such treatment from a man before. I was treated like a queen… never once did he make me feel uncomfortable. He intentionally pursued me, taking his time with me and was polite and kind and gentle and spoke God’s truth in love to me.
After this experience, I’m disappointed but not disenchanted. My heart is weary and wants to take a break but I know that I have to get myself back out there otherwise I’m never going to find my needle in a haystack.
What do you want to be true about your life a year from now, and what seeds do you need to be planting today in order to make that a reality?
I know that I want a man like The Prince… someone who is wise, hardworking, and intelligent. Someone who has hidden the Word of God in his heart, has a deep respect for His commandments and honors the Lord with his choices. I simply did not know there were still single men out there like this! The seeds I can be planting right now to harvest a better future are reading my Bible and praying for my future husband every day, and using the gifts and talents God gave me for His purpose. I need not squander my time but I still need to allow myself quiet rest with the Lord so He can reveal to me His calling.
Also, I need to stop being so hard on myself. I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship with The Prince… he just wasn’t the one God has for me.
Foundations of Sapphires 
It may have been a “good” marriage for Prince but a sad one for you. If you can’t express yourself physically, sensually or through your surroundings that’s no life at all. It doesn’t matter how good he treated you or how much he loves God. You would have felt frustrated and unloved and he, accosted and ill at ease.
When guys say you need to be more picky it doesn’t mean you have to add more things to your list of the “perfect man”. When they tell you not to settle that’s not what it means. It means they remember what it’s like when they are in love with a woman, they remember how THEY were when they were in love, and how it made them feel and be- they’re looking for that thunderbolt- the love at first sight, the love that makes them think every quirk of yours is the most adorable thing they’ve ever seen, the love that makes them want to do whatever it takes to win you, to keep you. The one that replaces and is better than the one who they once loved and lost. They’re telling you not to settle for a man who doesn’t think you are the most beautiful and wonderful creature that ever walked the earth. They know how they’re capable of loving a woman, and they’re encouraging you to not settle for anyone who doesn’t love you like that. They basically exposed the longing of what men are looking for. They told you their deepest secret.
I agree with them! XO
Thank you, Sophia, you have some wise words here. It’s just frustrating when you want to be in love so bad and you want to have a family… but time is ticking by and it’s not happening. It’s been four years since my husband left me but it seems like a lifetime. I remember how I felt when I was in love with my husband and I haven’t felt like that since and sometimes I worry I never will. I HAVE felt extremely strong feelings for people but they weren’t reciprocated. That’s worse than not feeling anything at all. I never had strong feelings for The Prince because he never expressed strong feelings for me… however, I did feel deep respect and admiration for him.
The biggest lie you’re believing is that you’re running out of time for the things you want- and so you are keeping busy busy trying to make magic happen with all these strangers and yet we know when magic is real it comes out of nowhere❤️ Do you think God forgot about you? (Never). Do you think it’s your full time job to find the guy who’s destined to be yours if that is His will for your life? (Why?! He can do it all by Himself, I know you know that, so why are you taking over?😉) Have you tried taking your hands off the wheel and letting go, letting God? Do you trust him enough to walk away from your search? Girl, stop looking at the calendar and marking the days and the yearsXO. LIVE TODAY. Today is the only day promised to us. Don’t spend your life behind a screen because you’re afraid of missing out. You’re missing out on life while you waste your time vetting potential suitors. You love children? Volunteer somewhere to help take care of them, at a hospital, at church. Follow your God-given gifts and engage with others likeminded while you help those less fortunate. Could it be you’re so busy trying to take care of this that this is precisely what is holding Him back from what and who He wants to bring into your life? Could you look into the eyes of God and tell Him you accept His will for you, knowing when you do you will there find peace? No matter what? Sometimes when there’s no fruit in what we do is because we are being gently guided to change course. Test Him with this❤️ above all remember and believe: He knows your hopes and dreams. He hasn’t forgotten youXO