The Craziest Thing I’ve Done for Love

 

After my date with Dream Guy I could not get him off my mind and I could not stop thinking “what if.” WHAT IF he was “the one?” What if we had more time to figure it out? I  might kick myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t find out.

The day after Christmas he asked me to be his date to a New Year’s Eve ball in San Francisco to celebrate 2016 and usher in 2017. How could I say “no” when he offered to pay for the whole trip, including the gas money to get there and back? So I said “yes” to the most romantic date in my life.

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First of all I must say it’s been a dream of mine to visit California since I was a little girl and I’ve only ever been to the LAX airport for a connecting flight which totally doesn’t count so this was a dream vacation of mine come true.

It took me nearly 14 hours to drive there but it was worth it when I got to hold him in my arms again and look into those bright, playful hazel eyes.

The first thing we did was wine tasting in Livermore Valley at Tenuta Vineyards. My favorite out of ten wines was a Syrah called “Black Mamba.”

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We took the Bart (Bay Area Rapid Transit) to San Fran and dropped our bags off at a gloriously posh hotel with funky, celebrity-designed suites called Hotel Triton. The decor was as unique and colorful as my personality.

 

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(For anyone concerned about what happened in said suite, don’t worry, he is a wholesome Christian gentleman with honorable biblical values. )

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The internet calls San Francisco’s #1 New Year’s Eve party the International Ball at the Palace Hotel,  which is ranked as one of the top luxury hotels in the world. It’s located in the heart of downtown with ten different world-renowned DJs playing top 40, hip hop, latin, dance, house, and techno music in separate opulently-decorated rooms. There were live performances by musical artists such as an electric violinist in the techno room and people in elaborate costumes walking around the dance floor on stilts. I grabbed a champagne and a screwdriver at the open bar and we danced for an hour and a half straight, people moving to make room for us and cheering us on as we tore up the dance floor.  I felt like no one in that whole room was having more fun than us. At the count down to midnight, thousands of balloons dropped from the soaring glass-domed ceiling as we shared our first kiss. Unless someone was getting engaged, no one in the whole world was having more fun than us at that moment.

He took my hand and guided me out of the room and next to a full-length mirror where we stood looking into each other’s eyes. He nodded his head toward our reflection.

“We look really great together, don’t we?” He asked, his eyes shining with excitement.

I looked at the two happy people in the mirror and I had to agree. “Yeah, we do.”

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“You’re my dream woman,” he said. I smiled. “I know it’s crazy because I live in Maryland but we could make it work. I swear it’s not the alcohol talking… but will you be my girlfriend?” I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise. I had imagined, of course, what my life might be like as his girlfriend, but I hadn’t spent much time considering it. I was mostly focused on just having a great time in San Francisco and I honestly didn’t think he’d ask me to be his girlfriend so soon in our brief relationship. We hadn’t yet spent a full 24 hours together at that point. There was so much I needed to know about him. For instance, in his Navy job, did he have deployments? How often were they and for what duration?  I’ve experienced the life of a Navy wife so I know just how hard it is. I searched his eyes trying to come up with a reply. The word “yes” dangled on the tip of my tongue but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I hate to admit it but the face of my Ultimate Crush uninvitedly flashed into my mind. Saying “yes” would be saying goodbye to the possibility of ever having a chance with him, even though he’s made it clear he only feels friendship toward me. I also thought about how hard it would be to have a long distance relationship because I’ve done that, too, and it’s not always fun. “You still haven’t said yes,” he said in a hushed tone, waiting expectantly for my answer. “I need to pray about it,” I said finally. “Can I have a night to pray and sleep on it?” He didn’t seem too pleased but he respected my decision.

The next morning, we had brunch at an upscale American restaurant called Bluestem Brasserie.

We toured San Francisco and saw the Full House from the TV show of the same name and got chocolate on Beach Street where you could see ships in the harbor and the Golden Gate Bridge not too far away.

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He would go on to tell me that my hesitation killed the spark for him. I didn’t say it then but the truth is that if a little hesitation can kill a spark then it wasn’t a very strong spark to begin with. I’m afraid that we’re just not right for one another despite being so perfect on paper. If he had been the right man for me I probably would have shouted a resounding “yes” at the top of my lungs, Navy or no Navy, distance or not. Later on I discovered a dealbreaker. It wasn’t astronomical, it was something he could work on, but it was still something I want taken care of BEFORE I enter a commited relationship.

“I’m sorry, I’m an impulsive person.” He apologized. “I shouldn’t have asked you to be my girlfriend. It wasn’t fair to you since you just met me.”

“Please don’t be sorry. You did what you thought was right in the moment. You were just following your heart.” He assured me that I was beautiful and wonderful and that he knew I would make someone an amazing wife someday but it wasn’t him. We embraced and went our separate ways.

Before I drove back to Tucson I visited my pen pal since I was twelve who only lives half an hour from San Francisco. American Girl Magazine hooked us up back in 1997 and the last time we saw each other was 2011 in New York City so it was a long time coming. We trash talked each other in an epic game of Scrabble over wine (in which I won by 9 points!) and it was such a great night.

Now I am sitting at home writing this with with a head cold. The whole weekend was spectacularly magical and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It was the best New Year’s I’ve ever had with one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met who gave me a romantic night to remember for always. Someday I’ll tell my grandchildren that I drove all the way to California for a man I just met in the hopes that maybe I would find the love of my life.

Sometimes you have to follow your heart and sometimes it’s not meant to be, but I can’t let disappointments keep me from playing the Game of Love.

To sweeten up this bittersweet ending, Corvette Guy is setting up a blind date for me and his roommate in whom he claims is “perfect” for me so I am looking forward to that but first I have to get rid of this cold and feel better.

“Don’t be deceived by merely the flutter of a heart. Love is a commitment that will be tested in the most vulnerable areas of spirituality, a commitment that will force you to make some very difficult choices. It is a commitment that demands that you deal with your lust, your greed, your pride, your power, your desire to control, your temper, your patience, and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.”

–Ravi Zacharias

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