Last week, the adventures and misadventures of my dating life has been almost as crazy as dealing with the temper tantrums of my youngest foster daughter. I say ALMOST because I don’t think anything in my life thus far has been quite as crazy as some of the episodes I’ve experienced with her.
I met an honest, intelligent gentleman who loves Jesus. I enjoy his company very much as he’s extremely easy to get along with. I NEVER thought I would say that about an ISTJ as my past experience with this Myers-Briggs type has usually not been very positive but I find him to be warm, laid-back, gentle, and caring.
We were having an excellent date discussing the qualities we are looking for in our future spouse… both our non-negotiables and our deal breakers. Suddenly, in the middle of the conversation, he burst into tears. I haven’t seen a man weep so openly like that in many years. I think the last time I saw a man cry like that with those heaving sobs of raw emotion was when my ex-husband admitted to having feelings for another woman. I knew what these tears were all too well: these were tears of shame and guilt.
“I really like you so much,” he began to explain. “The more I get to know you the more I realize you’re exactly what I’m looking for in every way. But I’m not the man YOU’RE looking for. You deserve someone better. I’m not worthy yet.” He went on to share a sin he is struggling with that is on my deal-breaker list. I was immediately disappointed but not surprised. In fact, I have heard this same speil three times before about how “You are too good for me, I don’t deserve you,” which I always thought was a cop out. I mean, if the man of my dreams popped into my life and I didn’t measure up somehow, I would do everything within my power to be worthy of him. This gentleman is working on his sin and desires very much to change- not for me, but for God and for himself. However, it won’t happen overnight. I am open to getting to know him more but nothing romantic can happen until he’s solved this issue in his life.
The second date last week was a totally different experience. While the first man was humble and contrite over his sins (totally sexy by the way) the second man was impenitent and unwilling to change. At first he was suave and debonair with a quiet confidence about him (also extremely sexy) and drew me in with his seductive smile and enticing eyes that said, “I want you.” I can’t remember the last time I really felt desired like that and let me tell you… I felt vulnerable to his tempting charm. I hate to admit this but I lowered my guard against my better judgement because it just felt so darn wonderful to be looked at that way. This man also told me I was everything he was looking for and that he could see himself falling in love with me. The reason I had to end our fleeting romance was because he admitted to me that he was not a spiritual leader. He wanted to date me despite that fact but I don’t want to get serious with someone who might not grow into the man I need. Probably as a defense mechanism he countered with, “I am much too sexual to wait for marriage.” (I’ve heard that one before, also, too many times to count.) What a disappointment though because the last time I felt THAT attracted to a person was when I first met the man I crushed on for the entire year of 2016. I already fell in love with his heart before we met in person so he was the first and continues to be the only person I ever wanted to kiss on the first day I met him.
Whenever I start to think maybe the man I’m looking for doesn’t exist… I just think of him. We talked on the phone this morning and even though it was brief, he was a breath of fresh air. He continues to give me hope that someday, somewhere, someone special will find me.