Lately I’ve been dreaming of him… and they were not pleasant dreams. I wake up in a pool of sweat with my heart pounding in my chest. Sometimes I remember the frightening details precisely and other times all I can recall is an uncomfortable feeling and that he was a part of it.
Other than my occasional dreams at night, he sometimes finds his way into my mind during the day. I immediately push him out and try to focus on the task at hand.
Every now and then I get this strange, urgent desire to give him a call and ask him how he’s doing… but he’s blocked on my phone per the advice of several wise elders in my life and I’ve yielded to their wisdom.
I went to put on a pair of pajamas the other night after emerging from a hot bath and in a long-forsaken corner of the bottom drawer of my bureau, a light blue Cedarville University shirt caught my eye and I burst into tears. It was the shirt he was wearing the night he told me he was leaving me. I probably should get rid of that shirt and I don’t know why I still have it… ‘
it needs to burn.