PROVERBS 31:12 SAYS THAT AN EXCELLENT WIFE DOES HER HUSBAND GOOD, AND NOT HARM, ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. PROVERBS 12:4 SAYS, “AN EXCELLENT WIFE IS THE CROWN OF HER HUSBAND, BUT SHE WHO SHAMES HIM IS LIKE ROTTENNESS IN HIS BONES.”
And so, out of respect and honor for my husband, I will not tell you anymore about what he did. He left me. That is all ye need know. I was going to post this “Power and Control Abuse Wheel” and tell you just what I’ve endured these past five years but instead, I’ll just post it for informational reference purposes so that you may know the different types of abuse that a person may encounter and you may be able to label and understand your pain if you’ve gone through, are currently going through, or know someone close to you who has gone through a similar ordeal as I have. The healing process is a long journey and I’m still working through my grief. While I was going through it, I didn’t even realize what was happening. I never would have considered some of what I was experiencing “abuse,” but now I know better.
This past Saturday was very difficult for me. I woke up and got myself ready for a “Daughters of the Way” Crisis Pregnancy Outreach Tea Party in which we showered presents on women who found themselves with child and decided to keep the baby. The benefit also raised money by hosting an auction to help fund the new “Answers for Life” crisis pregnancy center in town. I sewed a crib-sized pink diamond quilt for the occasion.
All the while, I was aware that this was supposed to be a day of celebration as it was my 5-year wedding anniversary. However, it’s been so long that I can’t remember the last time I saw my husband or the last time he spoke to me. I do remember that the last time we spoke my husband said if he had the money he would divorce me but he simply couldn’t afford it and that’s the only reason why we’re still legally married.
I was having as good a morning as can be expected for an anniversary that cannot be celebrated, until I got a phone call from my father telling me to pray for my Uncle who was in the hospital and just stopped breathing. I was on my knees crying out to God all day and all 61 women at the tea prayed with me, too. However, the Lord decided to take my uncle home early Sunday morning. It has been tough on my family and if you’re reading this right now, please remember to keep them in your prayers. And remember this also: You are MORE than just a relationship. More than just a wife or a husband. Ultimately, if you are a child of God then you are His son or daughter… the child of the Great King of the Universe. He delights in you; He’s created you for a beautiful purpose; His gifts are in you to give back to the world. Try to bear this in mind any time you feel down and lonely and discouraged. If the Lord wills, He will bring someone else to come alongside you as your helpmate but first He must heal your broken heart and draw you close to Himself. He wants to be your True Love. Every young person needs to hear affirmation that no person on earth can ever fulfill that longing in your heart or satisfy your desires. I was fed that lie of “soul mates” from God only knows where and I believed it. However, I came upon a book when I was 16 that told me only God could fill all my yearning. Colossians 2:10 says that in Christ we have been made complete and have come to fullness of life. Even after this book and many others like it, I still believed in “soul mates,” the idea that there is one special person out there that God created just for you who is perfectly suited (or nearly perfectly) to your personality and if you trust Him and let Him lead you, God will bring that one person into your life at the right time. I have no idea where I got this idea from… but it consumed most of my waking and dreaming thoughts. I know now after having and losing that perceived “soul mate,” that you can be just as happy and fulfilled serving God single. Having a life partner to be your companion, helpmate, and lover is a beautiful thing and that relationship is a gift from God but it does not quench your thirst in the way God’s love does. Absolutely nothing on earth can replace that God-shaped hole in your heart that only He can fill.